God, sorry, I always write too much. Okay, even he doesn't know how he feels about Tamaki right now. I guess the main thing is he actually isn't really that angry with him. He's just not very good at feelings, so any feeling that doesn't become passive aggression tends to become anger.
So during the kill log he was angry. Shocked, and betrayed, and scared, but more furious than anything because if someone is going to kill him, that's how he's going to feel about it. Even then he knew Tamaki was being controlled, but he was still pissed. If those had truly been his last moments on earth he would have spent them purposely causing emotional damage to his brainwashed best friend, so there you go.
But then in the graveyard it was really something different than that. The whole thing, and all the circumstances around it, was such a huge hit to his pride. He felt really stupid about a lot of the choices he made in the game. I mean. He was the only person in Host Club who wasn't lying to the group. Not that he would have told them if he had a role or a buddy, but that's just because that's not how he rolls. And then he got killed by Tamaki, which is really embarrassing. So that feels shitty!
But okay, besides that douchebag reason, legitimately bad feelings about what happened. A lot of his pride comes from feeling better than people, and part of that for him is not allowing other people to affect him or know his motives (feelings, others might say). But Tamaki is allowed that much because he just kind of barged his way into friendship, and he is mostly alone in that category (other Host Club gets that to some degree but he is still more concerned with appearances with them). So feeling like he was betrayed by that was a really awful feeling. Even if when he woke up he knew that wasn't what really happened, it's still not a feeling he could shake. It's a pretty pathetic feeling because he likes to think he wouldn't forgive something like this, but he couldn't actually go through with ending his friendship with Tamaki, the crazy friendship ride is too important to him, so it just makes him feel even more furious because he's stuck with this person. And he's just not exactly self-aware enough to get that he's just kind of like...upset, because that isn't the emotion he would expect himself to have.
On top of that he has the really conflicted feeling where he also feels really bad for Tamaki and was worried about him a lot. He wants him to stop acting so sad and pathetic. But then he also partially wants Tamaki to not be sad about it and instead be a jerk about it so he can hate him unreservedly. It's unpleasant to have to feel sorry for someone you're mad at and it would be great if he didn't have to care about Tamaki's feelings at all and could just be mean. But no, he cares. He in fact kind of feels guilty and like a shitty person for being so unable to get over it when it seems like everyone else forgave their VIP friends very easily. And feeling bad about being a shitty person is a new and strange feeling for him.
So he's just in this weird place where he thinks he's very angry, and thinks it's irrational to be so angry, and doesn't get that he's not even angry, he just needs to admit to himself he has feelings. I mean, whatever he says, he is pissed at the not listening, and the martyr complex, and especially the asking him for forgiveness in advance thing. Tamaki always does selfish things, and Kyouya expects that, but also expects that he won't do selfish things when it's actually important. He's in fact usually very selfless and perceptive and dependable when it comes to important things. So ignoring the fact that he actually called their friendship into question shocked him. He feels pretty confident that without brainwashing Tamaki would never not listen if he took it that far, and basically knows Tamaki is actually a really great friend. But he also just kind of unreasonably feels that if he's going to be friends with Tamaki, Tamaki had better be better than brainwashing.
But yeah as far as things being fixed, like. He can't even manage that kind of conversation when there isn't murder involved. He doesn't really talk about feelings that aren't about power or killing someone, so it is just a completely inadequate description of what's going on and a lot of conflicting bullshit. He'd get mad no matter how Tamaki acted - he hated the crying Tamaki, hates the serious Tamaki, and would hate a frivolous Tamaki. But he does want to patch things up a lot, he just doesn't know how because he doesn't know what he wants to hear. He tried just trying to act like he was over it, but he kept ending up being mean anyway. So now he's like, maybe I'm too pissed off and can't get over it, and that's really not what he wants. Their friendship is extremely important to him and the idea of going back to his life before is pretty unthinkable, he would rather just hatefully be best friends forever than that.
So. How to explain feelings. He will gladly go track down your mom or something and then never mention it again, that's the way. But, no, he probably just needs to vent and it helps that Tamaki isn't crying and is being serious so maybe it will be ok.
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So during the kill log he was angry. Shocked, and betrayed, and scared, but more furious than anything because if someone is going to kill him, that's how he's going to feel about it. Even then he knew Tamaki was being controlled, but he was still pissed. If those had truly been his last moments on earth he would have spent them purposely causing emotional damage to his brainwashed best friend, so there you go.
But then in the graveyard it was really something different than that. The whole thing, and all the circumstances around it, was such a huge hit to his pride. He felt really stupid about a lot of the choices he made in the game. I mean. He was the only person in Host Club who wasn't lying to the group. Not that he would have told them if he had a role or a buddy, but that's just because that's not how he rolls. And then he got killed by Tamaki, which is really embarrassing. So that feels shitty!
But okay, besides that douchebag reason, legitimately bad feelings about what happened. A lot of his pride comes from feeling better than people, and part of that for him is not allowing other people to affect him or know his motives (feelings, others might say). But Tamaki is allowed that much because he just kind of barged his way into friendship, and he is mostly alone in that category (other Host Club gets that to some degree but he is still more concerned with appearances with them). So feeling like he was betrayed by that was a really awful feeling. Even if when he woke up he knew that wasn't what really happened, it's still not a feeling he could shake. It's a pretty pathetic feeling because he likes to think he wouldn't forgive something like this, but he couldn't actually go through with ending his friendship with Tamaki, the crazy friendship ride is too important to him, so it just makes him feel even more furious because he's stuck with this person. And he's just not exactly self-aware enough to get that he's just kind of like...upset, because that isn't the emotion he would expect himself to have.
On top of that he has the really conflicted feeling where he also feels really bad for Tamaki and was worried about him a lot. He wants him to stop acting so sad and pathetic. But then he also partially wants Tamaki to not be sad about it and instead be a jerk about it so he can hate him unreservedly. It's unpleasant to have to feel sorry for someone you're mad at and it would be great if he didn't have to care about Tamaki's feelings at all and could just be mean. But no, he cares. He in fact kind of feels guilty and like a shitty person for being so unable to get over it when it seems like everyone else forgave their VIP friends very easily. And feeling bad about being a shitty person is a new and strange feeling for him.
So he's just in this weird place where he thinks he's very angry, and thinks it's irrational to be so angry, and doesn't get that he's not even angry, he just needs to admit to himself he has feelings. I mean, whatever he says, he is pissed at the not listening, and the martyr complex, and especially the asking him for forgiveness in advance thing. Tamaki always does selfish things, and Kyouya expects that, but also expects that he won't do selfish things when it's actually important. He's in fact usually very selfless and perceptive and dependable when it comes to important things. So ignoring the fact that he actually called their friendship into question shocked him. He feels pretty confident that without brainwashing Tamaki would never not listen if he took it that far, and basically knows Tamaki is actually a really great friend. But he also just kind of unreasonably feels that if he's going to be friends with Tamaki, Tamaki had better be better than brainwashing.
But yeah as far as things being fixed, like. He can't even manage that kind of conversation when there isn't murder involved. He doesn't really talk about feelings that aren't about power or killing someone, so it is just a completely inadequate description of what's going on and a lot of conflicting bullshit. He'd get mad no matter how Tamaki acted - he hated the crying Tamaki, hates the serious Tamaki, and would hate a frivolous Tamaki. But he does want to patch things up a lot, he just doesn't know how because he doesn't know what he wants to hear. He tried just trying to act like he was over it, but he kept ending up being mean anyway. So now he's like, maybe I'm too pissed off and can't get over it, and that's really not what he wants. Their friendship is extremely important to him and the idea of going back to his life before is pretty unthinkable, he would rather just hatefully be best friends forever than that.
So. How to explain feelings. He will gladly go track down your mom or something and then never mention it again, that's the way. But, no, he probably just needs to vent and it helps that Tamaki isn't crying and is being serious so maybe it will be ok.