MAHIRU... Luckily I don't have to hold off since Ciel is a stubborn little punk anyways, so his opinion probably won't change much, but.
Like everyone else in the game until towards the end, Mahiru was just an obstacle to Ciel to start. He didn't ask for her help or hang out with her for any ulterior motives like say, with other dangans that will not be named, and he honestly genuinely enjoyed her company! She was nice to him, even if she scolded him a lot, but more than anything, that experience was bizarre to him. Ciel lives in a life of luxury, and minus his very violent trauma, he's had a very comfortable life where he just doesn't get told "no" very often. Normally, he'd be kind of irritated by how Mahiru treated him, but! He's not an idiot, so he knew he needed help with stuff like food, so he wasn't going to let his pride get in the way of dinner.
That said, when her name came up as a kill, Ciel didn't really care, and in fact, I'm pretty sure he encouraged it for a really cold reason like "she's pretty smart, so we have to kill her" or something like that... There was the brainwashing in effect that made all the VIPs think that they weren't doing anything bad, sure, but Ciel also would have been about that cold if it were real. At that point in the game, he didn't question his role at all, and was selfishly, wholly focused on obtaining his prize, and he would have killed anyone to get it.
What he didn't anticipate, however, was that he'd realize a little too late that Mahiru resembled Madame Red rather closely in looks and personality, and because he only realized it when he saw her head in a mess, it kind of messed him up, to say the least. Ciel didn't actually kill Madame Red in canon, but he feels pretty responsible and deeply guilty over her death anyways, so what happened there was no small amount of Ciel projecting. In retrospect it's kind of funny, because it's almost like foreshadowing to his later breakdown, because his reaction to Mahiru's body was totally, 100% genuine, but he managed to keep it together, unlike later...
That said, he doesn't quite feel guilty about killing her, because Ciel may know that he was brainwashed pretty badly with how he had to kill Oz, but there's also a part of him that's like "well, we weren't exactly wrong." What he feels is complicated, and I don't think he could even describe it! Because he would apologize for killing people, since he knows the experience is traumatic, but to him, since there wasn't any real death, there's just not as much to apologize for.
no subject
Like everyone else in the game until towards the end, Mahiru was just an obstacle to Ciel to start. He didn't ask for her help or hang out with her for any ulterior motives like say, with other dangans that will not be named, and he honestly genuinely enjoyed her company! She was nice to him, even if she scolded him a lot, but more than anything, that experience was bizarre to him. Ciel lives in a life of luxury, and minus his very violent trauma, he's had a very comfortable life where he just doesn't get told "no" very often. Normally, he'd be kind of irritated by how Mahiru treated him, but! He's not an idiot, so he knew he needed help with stuff like food, so he wasn't going to let his pride get in the way of dinner.
That said, when her name came up as a kill, Ciel didn't really care, and in fact, I'm pretty sure he encouraged it for a really cold reason like "she's pretty smart, so we have to kill her" or something like that... There was the brainwashing in effect that made all the VIPs think that they weren't doing anything bad, sure, but Ciel also would have been about that cold if it were real. At that point in the game, he didn't question his role at all, and was selfishly, wholly focused on obtaining his prize, and he would have killed anyone to get it.
What he didn't anticipate, however, was that he'd realize a little too late that Mahiru resembled Madame Red rather closely in looks and personality, and because he only realized it when he saw her head in a mess, it kind of messed him up, to say the least. Ciel didn't actually kill Madame Red in canon, but he feels pretty responsible and deeply guilty over her death anyways, so what happened there was no small amount of Ciel projecting. In retrospect it's kind of funny, because it's almost like foreshadowing to his later breakdown, because his reaction to Mahiru's body was totally, 100% genuine, but he managed to keep it together, unlike later...
That said, he doesn't quite feel guilty about killing her, because Ciel may know that he was brainwashed pretty badly with how he had to kill Oz, but there's also a part of him that's like "well, we weren't exactly wrong." What he feels is complicated, and I don't think he could even describe it! Because he would apologize for killing people, since he knows the experience is traumatic, but to him, since there wasn't any real death, there's just not as much to apologize for.