Mahiru Koizumi (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
photonement) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
funpark2014-10-15 09:19 am
photonement) wrote in funpark2014-10-15 09:19 am
Non-Chore CR Meme
(A Cheat Sheet for CR Charts)
♥ Step one: post with your characters.
♠ Step two: respond to other people's characters with your characters.
♦ Step three: they tell you in detail what their character thinks of your character. TL;DR is encouraged; that's how this works.
♣ Optional step four: discuss it with them if you want! Make a big chain of tl;dr if you're up to it.
♥ Step five: other people do the same thing to you! Maybe you even harvest your tl;dr to use in a CR chart later.
♠ Step six: keep checking back in so that no one is ever late!
Kyouya Ootori
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In the graveyard things got ugly pretty much because she got in the way of his post-death shitfit and took it seriously. Like, she was right, he was way out of line blaming her for the letter, and he didn't really believe it was her fault. But he was just lashing out because he was just coming off of something really awful and didn't want to deal with people just then. He knows it wasn't her fault and did vaguely apologize for that later. But the way she reacted just really turned him off of her. Like, blaming him for her trusting her friends is such fucking bullshit to him. Especially because she really has no idea what host club is about; he doesn't blindly trust people, and that isn't a value he'd espouse even pretending to be a nicer guy than he is. They are just a really tight knit group, and that isn't something that has anything to do with her and how she feels about her friends.
It happens to hit one of his nerves - people who like to think they know or understand him when they don't understand and he didn't give them permission to understand. It's just one of his hang ups, and it really sets him off. So she was right; she wasn't reading more into their relationship than what was there, that they were acquaintances who got along just fine in an ugly situation. But he really does hate that shit; the people he hates or looks down on most are people who think they had an emotional connection with him when that's something he gives out very, very rarely. So even though he calmed down and half-apologized and started treating her nicely again and even using her as a sounding board for his anger, his feelings about her did a nose dive. He finds her emotional and irritating and incredibly presumptuous, especially because she made so many assumptions about him and his motives.
So, yeah. It would make him look bad to be too mean but he just does not find her worth his energy anymore.
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Man, he felt like he was under a lot of pressure this game. Because he really did feel like he had to be the one responsible for getting all of the other Ourans out alive. He's pretty intelligent and a good strategic thinker but this was still out of his depth and he was pushing himself very hard. He had a whole strategy in play, but the crux of it was that most of the others wouldn't be viewed as much of a threat to the VIPs because they would be quiet/cute/useless. So the people he had to prevent from being killed by the killers was himself and K, since K and Kaoru were buddies.
He put a lot of time and effort into trying to minimize the problem of K, since K was cleared by Missile and getting a lot of attention, but he was also working to protect himself. In most of the trials he went out of his way to agree with theories he thought were wrong and make a few stupid comments or act confused by things he understood perfectly well to minimize how much of a threat he seemed to be. Which he hates doing. He spent most of his life feeling obligated to pretend to be less capable than he is because of family circumstances, so it's not his favorite thing in the world.
So he put that much effort in to lie low, but Aya handing him that letter ruined it. Suddenly, his lack of a presence read as suspicious and indicative of having a role rather than being non-threatening. It wasn't just the letter, it was that his strategy backfired because the letter changed how it looked, but it still made him really angry that after everything he did, he was killed because of someone else's stupid mistake. Especially because he had to feel like he had really completely fucked up any opportunity to do anything useful or help his friends.
I should note that in the notes he left behind, he recommended Aya be killed if there was ever a vote for conversion. Oops.
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that's hilarious though, I was not expecting her to survive until endgame really but she was kinda banking on her paper being bullshit/even helpful enough for VIP to ignore it too.
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Okay, Kyouya actually thinks pretty well of Ciel. He's intelligent, he played the game well. Backstabbing Tamaki was a really good way to win, and had the bonus of taking Tamaki out of the game, which was something he really wanted to happen. So, yeah. Ciel is okay.
Gundam has no real opinions about Ciel. He liked that Ciel was willing to be the one to make the accusation but then he turned out to be a VIP so it wasn't as bold as he thought it was.
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After he died...okay, at first he appreciated Edea. She was willing to talk to him and give him some insight about the VIPs, and didn't push him too much on the shit he didn't want to talk about. Nothing he said to insult the VIPs ever had anything to do with her; they were all just bitter feelings about Tamaki. She was at first the only VIP around, and later the only other one was Ibuki, who wasn't someone he could berate after how badly she reacted. So she definitely did wind up taking the brunt of his feelings, something he wasn't even consciously aware he was doing. But he liked her just fine. He didn't even particularly think she was going around acting like the VIPs were blameless; that's an impression he developed later.
He was pretty surprised when she snapped at him, and he could recognize why she did that and why she was angry with him once he thought about how he'd been acting. The thing is that she really misunderstood where he was coming from. He didn't hate or blame the VIPs for what they were doing at all. In fact, he was never angry at Ibuki; he was actually really getting angry because it felt like the debrief sessions were intended to be torture, and with Kaoru injured, he was getting increasingly worried about how badly Tamaki was going to take it. His anger with Tamaki was a lot more personal than she assumed.
Of course, he was acting like a huge dick and no one can read his mind and know how he actually feels when the only emotion he's externalizing is anger. But the way she misunderstood really insulted him. It was a pretty presumptuous misunderstanding of his relationship with his friends, for one thing, and for another, she wound up implying she'd been coddling him and that was something he wanted. But also just...it was kind of the opposite problem of what she assumed. It wasn't that he thought the VIPs deserved all the blame, but that he's struggling to reconcile the fact that they really weren't to blame and actually suffered a lot with the fact that he was also pretty affected by what happened and can't just brush it aside so easily. Not that that's how he would see his own feelings, but being able to vocalize his anger around people whose opinions don't matter so that he can get over it once people who do matter are around was something he really needed, and she sort of put an end to that. So he wound up resenting her and angry at her and feeling as though she was arguing a more extreme position than she was, that the VIPs were totally blameless and no one should feel angry with them.
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So during the kill log he was angry. Shocked, and betrayed, and scared, but more furious than anything because if someone is going to kill him, that's how he's going to feel about it. Even then he knew Tamaki was being controlled, but he was still pissed. If those had truly been his last moments on earth he would have spent them purposely causing emotional damage to his brainwashed best friend, so there you go.
But then in the graveyard it was really something different than that. The whole thing, and all the circumstances around it, was such a huge hit to his pride. He felt really stupid about a lot of the choices he made in the game. I mean. He was the only person in Host Club who wasn't lying to the group. Not that he would have told them if he had a role or a buddy, but that's just because that's not how he rolls. And then he got killed by Tamaki, which is really embarrassing. So that feels shitty!
But okay, besides that douchebag reason, legitimately bad feelings about what happened. A lot of his pride comes from feeling better than people, and part of that for him is not allowing other people to affect him or know his motives (feelings, others might say). But Tamaki is allowed that much because he just kind of barged his way into friendship, and he is mostly alone in that category (other Host Club gets that to some degree but he is still more concerned with appearances with them). So feeling like he was betrayed by that was a really awful feeling. Even if when he woke up he knew that wasn't what really happened, it's still not a feeling he could shake. It's a pretty pathetic feeling because he likes to think he wouldn't forgive something like this, but he couldn't actually go through with ending his friendship with Tamaki, the crazy friendship ride is too important to him, so it just makes him feel even more furious because he's stuck with this person. And he's just not exactly self-aware enough to get that he's just kind of like...upset, because that isn't the emotion he would expect himself to have.
On top of that he has the really conflicted feeling where he also feels really bad for Tamaki and was worried about him a lot. He wants him to stop acting so sad and pathetic. But then he also partially wants Tamaki to not be sad about it and instead be a jerk about it so he can hate him unreservedly. It's unpleasant to have to feel sorry for someone you're mad at and it would be great if he didn't have to care about Tamaki's feelings at all and could just be mean. But no, he cares. He in fact kind of feels guilty and like a shitty person for being so unable to get over it when it seems like everyone else forgave their VIP friends very easily. And feeling bad about being a shitty person is a new and strange feeling for him.
So he's just in this weird place where he thinks he's very angry, and thinks it's irrational to be so angry, and doesn't get that he's not even angry, he just needs to admit to himself he has feelings. I mean, whatever he says, he is pissed at the not listening, and the martyr complex, and especially the asking him for forgiveness in advance thing. Tamaki always does selfish things, and Kyouya expects that, but also expects that he won't do selfish things when it's actually important. He's in fact usually very selfless and perceptive and dependable when it comes to important things. So ignoring the fact that he actually called their friendship into question shocked him. He feels pretty confident that without brainwashing Tamaki would never not listen if he took it that far, and basically knows Tamaki is actually a really great friend. But he also just kind of unreasonably feels that if he's going to be friends with Tamaki, Tamaki had better be better than brainwashing.
But yeah as far as things being fixed, like. He can't even manage that kind of conversation when there isn't murder involved. He doesn't really talk about feelings that aren't about power or killing someone, so it is just a completely inadequate description of what's going on and a lot of conflicting bullshit. He'd get mad no matter how Tamaki acted - he hated the crying Tamaki, hates the serious Tamaki, and would hate a frivolous Tamaki. But he does want to patch things up a lot, he just doesn't know how because he doesn't know what he wants to hear. He tried just trying to act like he was over it, but he kept ending up being mean anyway. So now he's like, maybe I'm too pissed off and can't get over it, and that's really not what he wants. Their friendship is extremely important to him and the idea of going back to his life before is pretty unthinkable, he would rather just hatefully be best friends forever than that.
So. How to explain feelings. He will gladly go track down your mom or something and then never mention it again, that's the way. But, no, he probably just needs to vent and it helps that Tamaki isn't crying and is being serious so maybe it will be ok.
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let's just hug forever
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